Today’s topic is called, “Do Your Eyes Light Up”. It was not my original thought but one that I like to share with all my patients who are parents (although it works on spouses as well). Tony Braxton came up with the name. The concept is: do your eyes light up when your child enters a room?
Think of how we all look at puppies and babies. Our eyes grow bigger, our mouth drops open and we present the look of utter joy on our face. Well, do your eyes light up when you see your child or teenager? Or are you so stressed or annoyed that you barely acknowledge their presence?
This also works with spouses. I started doing this when our son was 1 year old. When we see daddy pull into the driveway and myself, the dog and our son, rush to the door to welcome daddy. Our eyes light up and we yell, “Daddy’s home.” Even if we do it 5 nights a week it still evokes a smile on his face. It makes me feel good to know I am making him feel good. I call it the rock star greeting. Try it at home…it works.
Nagging and Sex
The top complaints I get in couples therapy have to do with nagging and sex.
*The men complain that all the women do is nag and they don’t get enough sex.
*The women complain that the men don’t help out around the house and with the kids and that they are tired and not in the mood for sex.
Here are a couple of suggested solutions:
Work on how and what you say.
What is usually said:
I don’t understand why you can’t just take the trash out when it is full.
You never take the trash out and it really pisses me off.
Another way to say it positively:
It would really make me happy if you would take the trash out.
I feel so good when you help around the house like taking the trash out or helping with the kids.
Then if they take the trash out explain to the men that, “Did you know that when you help out around the house and with the kids I feel more relaxed and it makes me feel more flirty and want to have more SEX with you.” The penis always hears that word.
DON’T JUST ASK FOR MORE SEX, WORK FOR IT. HELP YOUR WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS LIGHTEN THEIR WORK LOAD. WHEN YOU HELP THE WOMAN OUT SHE FEELS MORE LUST TOWARD YOU. WHEN WE WERE DATING WE DIDN’T HAVE TO PICK YOUR DIRTY SOCKS UP OFF THE FLOOR. WE UNDERSTAND THAT WE WILL HAVE TO PICK UP AFTER OUR CHILDREN BUT DON’T PRETEND YOU ARE ONE OF THEM. ITS NOT SEXY TO HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU ALL THE TIME THAT IS WHY WOMEN NAG.
YOU HAVE A GOOD DEAL OF POWER TO CHANGE HOW MUCH SHE NAGS AND HOW MUCH SEX YOU GET.